I sat next to the bogeyman

If you enjoy studying weird people there is no better place than the tube. It’s like anthropology on acid. After living in London for a while you find it easier to find who will be the best subjects. So I knew I had hit the jackpot when I spotted a guy in his mid twenties riding the tube at 3pm on a Saturday clutching a can of lager. He was either a) still drunk from the night before or b) had been drinking since breakfast. Either way I knew I was in for a treat and something to make my 40 min journey more interesting. So I sat right next to him to so I could observe him out the corner of my eye and in the reflections of the opposite window.

I am not sure what I was expecting him to do but I wish my eyes had not witnessed what he did. He picked his nose and then ate it. Not in a discreet way, he didn’t try and look like he was scratching his nose then pretend he was biting his fingernails. No, he very blatantly drilled deep into his nostril with his finger then almost proudly produced a green nugget for the whole carriage to see. He then held it really close to his face as though he was marveling at its beauty or conducting some sort of rigorous bogey quality control. Once he deemed it was up to scratch he put his finger in his mouth and nibbled away.

I have to clarify that this man looked sound of mind. It was only the can of lager that brought him to my attention, apart from this there was no other indication that lead me to believe he would eat his own bogies.

Now I am not looking down my nose at this guy from a throne of someone that has never eaten one of her own green nuggets. Like most people at the age of 8 curiosity got the better of me and i began to wonder if i might have been gifted with Willy Wonka style nostrils that produce bogies that taste of sherburt. But one taste was enough to make me think ummm yeah that tasted like a shriveled up caper that’s been rubbed in sand I won’t be trying that again.

My diagnosis of this man was he was suffering from invisible delusionment. This can also be seen in people that think no one can see them while sitting in their cars so again they pick their nose. If their case is serve people can even wank while waiting at the lights, I have yet to see this on the tube…yet.