There's an art to a good fart

We all fart but we don’t like to admit that we fart so farting will always be a covert operation.

One of the techniques we like to employ is the slight leaning to the side to set the little guy free. But you have to make sure the angle is as subtle as possible so people don’t know what you’re doing. If you end up basically lying on your side while you pass wind you’ve gone to far and it will be obvious to everyone around you that you have just farted.

On the tube I think most of us sitting down feel like we can get away with farting. They make the chairs out of fabric that has excellent fart absorbency. I hate to think how many farts one poor chair has to deal with daily. If you looked at the fabric of each chair under a microscope I imagine it would look very much like a poo particle Jamboree.

Tube seats are good as they are cushioned but you should never try and fart on a plastic chair. Try as it might the chair is far too smooth in texture to be able to get a grip of your gas. Worse still is as your fart ricochets around the pastic chair its every move will be amplified by the superb acoustic properties of plastic. Like farting into a microphone then playing it back through a subwoofer.

Try as we might we’ve all been caught out before. Dropping a loud one tends to be the most embarrassing as it’s easy for everyone to pinpoint its exact location of take off, sometimes a slow moving quiet wafty fart can be passed off as belonging to some one else, preferably a small child or old person.